Weekly Roundup
Good things I read or listened to last week, in case you're on a break with your algorithm.
I did not intend for there to be a theme, but today, it appears to be living a good life. I listened to a Mel Robbins Podcast episode on regret, and it reminded me of some old pieces that I loved as a new college graduate. They're inspirational–the other side of the coin. Sometimes, it feels like all the good advice is saved for young people. This makes sense, because early investments in one's future compound the most. However, less-young people also need inspiration, and may have more bandwidth and clarity to implement it. So, here is some inspiration for your week. Links are at the top so you don't have to read my prating if you don't want to (looking at you, recipe blogs).
2. Congrats, New Grads! By the Way, You Don't Know Anything! - Lindy West for Jezebel (linking the Autostraddle republish, because I can't find the original)
3. George Saunders's Advice to Graduates - The New York Times
What Makes a Good Life
Mel talks with Daniel Pink, author and leader of the World Regret Survey, the largest study of human regret ever conducted. It turns out there are four types of regret, and different ways to deal with each type. To no one's surprise and delight, the first step is looking at your regrets directly, and naming them. I'll go first. Two of mine are not studying abroad in college, and trying to white-knuckle my career without cultivating and relying on my network. In Pink's framework, these are failures of boldness, and I now have some ideas for how to be bolder and avoid repeating my mistakes.
It sounds heavy, but it's not. Listening to this is akin to confessing a fear to a friend. Either the act of verbalization, or your friend's response, immediately renders the problem much less scary than it was inside your head. Pink introduced me to the term "paper tiger," which is something that seems threatening, but when approached, folds–or is conquered–easily.
Lindy West to New Grads
I originally read this shortly after it was published in 2012, a month before I graduated college. I just laughed again (14 years later) at "barefoot hill-goblin." This will probably be the most millennial piece of writing you've ever seen, but the shoe fits and I am wearing it.
George Saunders to Syracuse Class of 2013 (And Me, Obviously)
Saunders doesn't regret terrible jobs, being broke from time to time, accidentally drinking fresh monkey shit, or the ensuing protracted illness. He regrets his failures of kindness. In Saunders's universe, kindness is the key to happiness. I think I'm learning that it is in mine too.
How It's All Connected
Two commonalities that stood out to me were the ideas that no one cares what you're doing, and that your experience is not unique. As is often the case, these ideas can be empowering if examined from the right perspective.
No One Cares
In West's words, "People have bills to pay! People are busy! No one is looking at you!" According to Pink, "You are not that important." Both writers contend that securing others people's approval will not lead to happiness, and should not factor into our choices and actions. If that's hard to internalize, just remind yourself that no one's paying attention, so you probably couldn't earn their high regard anyway. You might as well go try to do the thing you want.
Your Experience Is Not Special
In the same vein, it seems we all have the same instincts and experiences. This is evident in the authors' ideas, as well as their references to themselves. Saunders and West are both self-deprecating. Saunders refers to himself as an old fart, with his best years behind him. West opens by stating that she is jumping in on the tradition of giving condescending advice to new grads. She ends her internet list by directing readers not to take advice from lists on the internet. I want to do that every time I write something, including this internet list. Today, I resist the urge.
Pink explores the idea that most human experiences aren't unique. Similarly, most regrets are universal–or shared by loads of people with widely different backgrounds. Mel (I don't know why, but I can't refer to her as Robbins) experienced this as well, when she asked listeners to share their regrets. That means it's not that bad! Pink uses the term "reverse narcissist" to describe people who think their regrets are singularly awful. Your regrets are probably average, so don't bother beating yourself up too much. If an outstanding achievement is comforting, why isn't an average regret? Onward and upward, my friends.
Whether you personally find yourself moved more by form (words themselves and their arrangement), or by ideas, all of these works are worth a visit. Comfort and inspiration from good people who have lived life make me proud (and make it bearable) to be a human, especially in a time like this.
To quote Saunders, "I wish you great happiness, all the luck in the world, and a beautiful summer."