An interview with Todd, Part 2

This is Part 2 of my interview with Todd. If you haven’t yet, go read Part

Since you confessed your
sins and struggles to your wife, have things been harder for you or for her?

No question. This has caused her to doubt everything from God’s existence to
my truthfulness even now, 2-1/2 years later. I wasn’t lying to her about
everything in my life, but I might as well have been. When you take something
as foundational
as sexual orientation and infidelity and keep it a secret for 8+ years, how
could she ever trust me again?

The beautiful thing is…and I give GOD all credit and glory for this…we
are in a sweet place in our relationship right now. I have been free from
compulsive sexual behavior for a good, long time now…and I’m growing in my
love for-and
even my attraction to-her. We are laughing again. We are enjoying one another’s
company. It’s like we can breathe again after a long, anxious period of gasping
for air. Depression has lifted like a fog, and the sun is peeking through
the clouds.

What is your hope for the future of your marriage?

I want to grow old with my
wife, to parent our children well, to live a life of integrity and faithfulness.
I want to be used by God-TOGETHER-to help others
who find themselves in similar situations. I want to live out God’s design
for us. To love each other well in all circumstances. It’s like we’ve been
a new lease on life, a new marriage to cultivate. We get a fresh start to do
things right. Thank God for His grace. Thank God for a wife who stuck with
me when I failed her deeply. Thank God that we see a bright future together.

you told your children anything about this experience?

No. Only very vague references
to the fact that "sometimes we hurt people
we love" and "we need to learn how to love and forgive one another
even when it’s hard." Things like that.

When and what will you tell them?

This whole season of life has taught me to
place a high value on honesty. As my kids grow, I am sure they will have questions
about homosexuality, adultery
and all kinds of other sensitive topics. I am committed to answering those
questions honestly. But I am equally committed to answering them in an age-appropriate
way. Honesty doesn’t always mean full disclosure.

On the other hand, I know that one day my kids will all know this story.
They don’t have to know all details, but they’ll know about my battle with
attraction and my infidelity. More importantly, they’ll know about the amazing
journey of healing that I’ve walked and how God rescued me from the bondage
of sexual addiction and the hell of a double life. They’ll know how their mother
honored God through the process and learned to forgive and love in new, bold

I’ve said before that one of the biggest motivations for my "coming
out" was
to give my kids a chance at freedom from sexual bondage. I think this whole
process has given us an amazing opportunity to walk in openness and boldly
in word AND in our day-to-day lives, the truth and beauty of God’s design for
marriage, sexuality and wholeness. We have already had some awesome discussions
about sex with our oldest, and they were very natural. No shame or awkwardness.
Praise God!

What would you tell someone else in a situation similar to yours?

God loves
you. Through and through. There’s NOTHING you can do, nothing you have done
that could ever stop Him from loving you.

God can heal you. It might take a long, long time. It might be the most painful
journey you’re ever taken. But it’s worth every difficult step. Nothing
is impossible with God.

Tell someone. If you’re living in the darkness and
isolation that I found myself in for so many years, it’s going to be difficult.
It’s going to
feel like death,
and in a sense it is death. Dying to yourself so that you can really
live. In the weeks prior to telling my good friend and then my wife,
I wrote
these lyrics…

So I’m finally on the road
That will lead to my confession
And I’m frightened and relieved at the same time
But I’m never turning back
I have finally learned my lesson
I must break the chains of silence and of pride
And the telling feels like dying
And I guess that’s what it is
Cause I’m dying to myself
So that I can really live

It’s true. Now I’m free to live the life of Christ.
It’s crazy. I didn’t know what that meant until I broke the silence. Now
I’m alive. Praise

Can people still contact you at todd-AT-atimelikethis-DOT-net?

Sure! I look
forward to hearing from them!

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