I don’t do this very often (actually, I’ve never done this before), but today
I’m going to open the floor to questions. Some of these are questions people
have actually asked. Some are questions people want to ask. Some of them are
questions no one cares to ask. I’m not making obvious which is which in order
not to embarrass people who have asked me silly things.
Q: How old are you?
A: I’m 31 years old. I’ll be 32 in June.
Q: How old do you look?
A: About 20.
Q: How do you stay so young looking?
A: Live clean, drink lots of water, and stay out of the sun as much as possible.
Q: Is that why you’re paler
than an Englishman?
A: Shut up.
Q: Why should I get married when it would mean the end of life as I know it?
A: Marriage is the end of the single life in much the same way that birth is
the end of life in the womb. It’s a huge change, but wow—so worth it.
Q: How long have you been married?
A: It will be six years on Sunday, May 23.
Q: What has surprised you most about marriage?
A: The rapidity with which a woman goes through a roll of toilet
Q: What do you think should be the boundaries of physical affection in a Christian
A: Ideally, hand-holding should be the physical limit, and maybe hugging.
Q: That’s weird. Why not kissing?
A: Anything beyond hand-holding is part of a process that leads to
intercourse. Beginning that process and stopping short of intercourse only
serves to frustrate
body and create more lustful desire both physically and mentally.
Q: But isn’t it a little unrealistic to expect a couple in love to never even
A: Okay, stopping
at hand-holding hardly ever works out in reality. Personally, neither my
wife nor I had sex before we were married, but we did go beyond hand-holding.
All I can say is that it’s best to minimize physical contact as much as possible
Develop all the other aspects of your
relationship, and you’ll be ready for the physical part—as it was meant
to be—on your wedding night.
Q: Could you elaborate on that a little more?
Most couples start off with
sex before they bond
emotionally and spiritually, and they’re bored with it by the time their
relationship has developed to the point that sex would really mean something.
you hear so many jokes about married people having very little sex. But
isn’t supposed to be the end of sex—it’s supposed to be the beginning.
Q: What is the best advice you’ve ever received about marriage?
A: I got lots of advice when I was engaged. My dad told me that my
wife and I should agree on whether to hang toilet paper so that it dispenses
the top or from the bottom before either of us ever tries to hang it. I’m
sure that isn’t the most profound advice I received, but it’s the only bit
I remember. Probably
because it had something to do with toilet paper.
Q: How do people usually respond when you tell them you’re married?
A: They say, "What?!! You don’t look…married." I’m never
quite sure what they
Q: How do people usually respond when you introduce them to your wife?
A: They usually say, "That’s your wife? But…she’s so pretty."
Q: Is your wife really as hot as you make her out to be?
A: I use three words to describe the effect women have on men. Pretty is
something we like to look at. Attractive is something we want to talk
to. Beautiful is something we want to look at, talk to, and bask
in. My wife is the only beautiful woman I know.
Q: But is she hot?
A: Absolutely smokin’.