When we’re learning new things, we have to relate them to things we already
know. That’s why Jesus used parables in his teachings. Sometimes, though, our
current understanding gets in the way of gaining new knowledge. This leads
to misunderstandings that can turn tragic in adulthood but are often endearing
and hilarious in children. I’m sure I had a lot more than 23 misperceptions
in my own childhood, but I could only think of 14, and my friends and loved
ones could collectively think of only seven. I’m hoping that two of you will
in the comments so this post’s title isn’t completely inaccurate.
- Songs I heard on the radio were being performed live at the radio stations
by the bands themselves. (I actually decided that when I could drive,
I would hang out at a radio station so that I could meet Huey Lewis.)
- I could make the stars bounce by jumping high in the air and stomping on
the ground. They really looked like they were bouncing.
- The old hymn Power in the Blood mentioned my grampa R.E. in the
line "Would you o’er evil a victory win."
- That wasn’t really Spider-Man in that cartoon. It was just a guy in a costume.
- Santa Clause himself could not visit every mall in America simultaneously
around Christmastime. Even if he could, he was too busy with his preparations.
So he sent certain helpers to dress like him, listen to children’s
requests, and relay the messages to the North Pole. I never could figure
out how he
made Tonka trucks and Hot-Wheels cars in his workshop, though.
- The Spanish language was basically just English, except you have to say el in
front of a word and add -o to the end of the word.
Hence, my Spanish word for paper sack was el papersacko.
That knowledge coupled with the fact that I could count to ten in actual
Spanish made me confident that I could converse with any Spanish-speaker
I might meet.
- Teachers don’t exist outside of school.
- The evolution of civilized society culminated in the music and fashion
of the 1980s. After that, there would be no more advances possible.
- People who "don’t drink" literally never put fluids
into their body. If anyone had asked me, "Do you drink?", I would
have said, "Yes. I can’t even go one day without drinking."
- Every grown man has killed at least one person. (I deduced this from watching
a lot of TV.)
- Writing consisted of scribbling on paper. I started writing before I even
knew the alphabet, and I couldn’t understand why my mother seemed not
to be able to read what I wrote.
- All moms and dads led singing and played piano at church the way my parents
- In order to "hold your breath," one simply puffs out one’s cheeks and holds
breath inside the mouth but continues to breathe through the nose.
I could hold my breath forever.
- When a baby is born, it just bursts out of the mother’s stomach.
- Mrs. Happy: You know how some people can imitate
the sound of a drop of water by flicking their cheek with their fingers?
Only two people in the
world could do that, and my father was one of them.
- Mrs. Happy: My dad’s job at work was taking out
the trash. I knew this because when we drove by his office he said, "That’s where I work," and
pointed to a door that was next to a dumpster. (He was actually a computer
- Happy Sister: A group of goblins slept in our
garage during the day and walked around the back yard at night. (My
brother told me this.)
- Happy Bro-in-Law No. 1: It’s against the law
to kick a basketball.
I thought every bad thing happens to everybody at least once like the
Chicken Pox. For a time I entertained the notion that things like getting
getting bit by a dog were similar rites of passage I’d inevitably have
through at some point. Neither ever happened though I’ve come close,
so I guess I don’t have an immunity to either.
According to my sister, pill
bugs were medicine.
I thought I could be a dump truck when I grew up.